Body-Bashing Demons

Now ladies I know we all hate our bodies, and must complain to our friends about them, but during a run is a completely inappropriate time for such body bashing. Especially when there are so many other times women use this behavior to bond in our culture.

A more appropriate time is say, when we've all had a few brewskis on a Saturday night, and we're complaining about the beer gut we are forming. Or when you are shopping together; yes this is definately the culturally ordained time for women to tell their friends how they hate their bodies (often shouted through dressing room doors). And let's not forget the all-the-women-in-the-restuarant-bathroom times. The guys think we are in there discussing them when really we are just examining and commenting on each other's thighs in the mirror.

But to be fair to you and your running partner, please delay the activity of bashing your body until after you run is complete and preferably at one of these preordained and fully understandable times.

There are several simple reasons why this is just good running etiquette:

Reason number one: Breath Support

While running, breathe is a precious commodity and talking is therefore a choice that depletes this resource. If you are going to get chatting why not talk about something that effects both you and your partner, not simply whine about yourself, looking for a good ego stroke. Also why not use this precious breath to help you complete the goal of a strong run, instead of focusing on the goals you feel you've failed to meet.

Reason number two: Your body may go on strike.

How would you feel if you were working extremely hard for someone, stretching your abilities to their limits, only to have that someone point out how weak and ugly you were? And to add insult to injury, what if they loved doing this especially right when you were working hard for them and felt the strongest, most alert, and able to complete the task. You are healthy! You are strong! You are working hard for your Master, and yet she is describing how you are weak, you are ugly, and how you will never get the job done. Well you can see where this would lead, you would go on strike, or worse yet quit altogether. No wonder your bodies poops out before the end of the run; you've already doomed it to failure.

I'm warning you (and myself included) if you don't start stroking you bodies ego, it will most certainly do just that and start living up to the false image you've given it of being fat, weak, and useless.

Ladies stop sabotaging your bodies right when they are working so hard for you! I for one will work on telling my body how beautiful it is, especially when it is running hard for me, even while I ignore looks of disdain from skinnier girls at the water cooler.

Reason number three
(and this is the one that really pisses me off):

You are telling your running partner she is fat!

Oh yeah, you heard me.

Here is the scenario. You are running with your partner, the one who is probably about your height and fitness level and weight because she runs exactly your pace, and you see faster and often skinnier girls up ahead.

You say to your partner how much you hate your weight and how you really need to get in better shape so that you can keep up with the aforementioned girls.

But what your partner hears is: "We" are too slow! "We" are too fat! "We" are too out of shape!
What would you expect, she is essentially your body type and she is happy to have found a partner who matches her fitness level so that they can keep the same pace. You are also on the same team, and an insult to one in the group, is an insult to all (or so my Socialogy professor tells me).

Now is that a nice way to treat a friend? Maybe if she asked you to be brutally honest she would have been ready for this. But she was actually mid-stride telling her body that it was healthy and strong and beautiful, so that it would keep fulfilling these descriptions until mile 18. She struggling with her own body-bashing demons and she was winning.
Now you've sabotaged both yourself and your friend, and is that really what partners are for?

Digression: I think mothers also often do this to their daughter when they get plastic surgery or

complain to their daughters about their own bodies: Hello!!! Mothers of the World! What does this say to your daughter about her own genetic replica of your body? But that is for another blog.

My friends, I am not at all innocent in this matter, so please don't take this blog as abuse. I find it hard not to complain about my body, especially to those I feel safe with.

We all are a bit sheepish about our bodies. And it is good for us to be able to share these feelings with other women. I just want to encourage all of us to be proud of the fact we are out there running at all. And we are so blessed that our bodies are working for us. Today we walked with two feet, today we climbed big hills, today we were outside, out of bed, and healthy!
Thank God for our bodies, for they are wonderfully made.

Next time you are running with your running partner, at mile 10, and those body-bashing demons are on your shoulder, tempting you to say, "I need to loose some weight", I dare you instead to say, "We are both georgous right now! Aren't our bodies healthy, strong, and beautiful?"

And I'll be right there on your other shoulder, scowling at the body-bashing demons, and saying, "Amen Sister!"

Other Running Benefits

I've discovered that besides aching knees, getting sleepy at 8pm each night, and the cost of running shoes, running has ONE other wonderful benefit.

YOU GAIN WEIGHT!!!

Yes that is right! I am currently running at least 18 miles a week and I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life. Because of this blog, my friends keep calling me to ask how skinny I've become while training for this marathon. I wish to let them all down by saying, since the start of my training program, I have gained 15 pounds.

Now I know what you are all going to say!!! It is all muscle weight or "Muscle is heavier than fat!" Okay, so please explain why all my clothes are now to small and why I'm now 30 pounds over a healthy weight for my height, instead of the 15 pounds when I started.

I have to admit I have been VERY hungry while training for this marathon. So while I've noticed some strengthening of my leg muscles, I've also noticed bigger love handles as well.

But I've been told NOT to diet while training for a marathon because you will make yourself sick. I've been told to simply eat like a pregnant woman. Still, I think I need to cut back a bit, NOT DIET, but just NOT GAIN! Kapeech?

So while I'm strong and just ran 16 miles for the first time in my life, acquaintences have no clue. Instead, they look at me and think, "Wow, Sarah really is gaining weight. She is really letting herself go." Ah, the irony.

Short Legs Conquer Steep Hills

Our coach was sneaky and waited until after our recommitment deadline to introduce us to Shawnee Mission Park. We ran twice around the 4.4 mile treeless and hilly loop. These are not just like the rolling hills of most Kansas City streets. Oh no, this loop contains around 6 steep grade hills that mimick the trolley hills of San Francisco. But we all signed our recommitment papers before, as our coach says,"the REAL marathon training begins" and now we cannot back down.

I actually did really well on the hills this week. I showed up around 10 minutes late and started the first loop behind the rest of the team. Most of my teammates are 10 minute mile or less runners. There are a few 11 minute milers and then the run/walkers start, followed by the one lone walker (Go Minnie! - walking on behalf of her daughter-in-law who fought and barely won the battle against Hodgkins Lymphoma). Usually I walk a bit so I finish just behind the 11 minute milers and before the walkers. So I showed up late expecting to catch up with some of the walkers after the first loop and maybe a few run/walkers by the end.

But I did WAY better than that!!!!

I was able to jog up most of the hills without stopping (as long as I slowed way down). By the the time I made it around the loop once I found most of the 11 minute milers and a few 10 minute milers still at the water stop. My competitive juices started flowing. I had started 10 minutes behind these folks and usually see only their behinds after we start running on a day when I show up on time. I had caught up with them!! Most of them were sucking down Gatorade talking about the brutal hills. But the hills weren't that hard for me.

Needless to say I swallowed a cup of Gatorade in one gulp and rushed back out to the loop to actually pass these folks by! I kept up my pace (telling myself I still had to go over those 6 hills once again) and quickly caught up with two 10 minute mile runners who today were struggling with the hills and knee pain. I ran with them for awhile but got bored when they kept stopping to walk the downhills to save their knees. I just wanted to fly down the hills to gain momentum on my way back up. So I bid them farewall and for once they actually saw my gloriously broad behind for a change.

Then I caught up with my run and walk partner Becky (who also has a bit of a stockier build) . She also looked at ease with the hills. Like me, she was way ahead of runners that are usually faster than her and was looking strong. Near the backend of our final loop she said to me, "Boy this has gone by fast." Tell that to the folks walking the hills behind us Becky! I finished around 9 miles in 1 hr and 50 minutes. There was still a large crowd of runners arriving to the Gatorade stop when I got there and for the first time in awhile I felt like a winner and a part of a team of athletes. Like I was good at something. And I had discovered I was better at something than a lot of the fast girls who have passed me all this time.

A new theory was also growing in my brain: that stort and stout legs are better on hills than long and skinny legs! I think this can be proven by my experience and Becky's, but for more objective reasons I asked my high school cross country trained husband.

He said that: "Long legs are better on downhills because your gait is taking you forward thereby letting gravity due most of the work. But when they teach you to run hills they tell you to take a shorter stride uphill and longer strides down hill. This is a more efficient use of your energy, perhaps because you are closer to the hill, not bounding up and down." Perhaps this is why I pass so many long-legged runners on my way up hills, my gait is already short due to my short legs. I am close to the earth and just scrambling up it one short step at a time (while they are fight gravity by bounding up hills with their long legs).

This theory was also proven when we hiked to the Mount St. Helens summit with a church group, without any prior training. Even though we hiked with a bunch of fit athletes, my husband and I were the second up the mountain, beaten only by his brother, (beating the rest of the hikers by over 20 minutes). I remember one especially skinny and beautiful young lady looking at me with surprise and saying, "Wow, Sarah, you must work out every day." But I didn't. I just had good legs for scrambling up hills.

I guess all this is just a resounding encouragement for all of us women and guys who feel a bit fatter and slower than the rest of the runners. We have a resilence and stamina that others can't even fathom. They might beat us in a sprint, but we may outlast them when the marathon actually comes. Also, throw in a few steep hills and the "big bones" that make us good at birthing babies, but not good at wearing mini-skirts, will propel us past them to summit. Thank you God for my legs, my body, and my heart. They are just where they need to be: big, strong, and healthy! I think of my burly female Scottish ancestors who hiked the Ochel Hills of Scotland to fetch water and I'm proud of my legs and how far they can carry me. Argh!

At least I ran

Ran 4 miles today in around 49 minutes (did 4:1 intervals run:walk).
It was 87 degrees and very humid.

Used to be able to run this distance in 40 minutes. But I will get there again, one day at a time. Also, this is a hilly route around Loose Park in Kansas City so that slowed me down. Since I'm training for the Nike marathon in San Francisco I need to train on the hills. Bought a Garmin GPS monitor which told me when I was going fast or slow. Lots of fun! Not the run necessarily, but having a pace monitor throughout the run.

Got to get past the whole body image thing with lots of skinny minny runners out there passing me by. But at least I ran.

Ode to Becky

As the other runners slipped out of my sight up above I decided to take a walk break. I felt frustrated that I could not keep up.

"Go your own pace no matter what." This was my mantra. I soon discovered that another runner had slowed down to walk with me. This was Becky. Becky has already run two marathons with Team in Training, and is unashamed of the run/walk method. "Got me through four marathons so far," she said, "and my last one was 5 hours and 15 minutes." Not bad, I think. My goals was under 6 hours. We run the first 6 miles of our 12 miler in 1 hours and 13 minutes. This is close to a 12 minute mile pace. And if you figure that we walked one minute after running four minutes, we were probably jogging closer to an 11 minute mile. I really have to thank her for pulling me through the first three miles. My body really didn't want to start up and she was sweet to slow down her pace to help me out. During the last two miles I returned the favor.

After the turn around we did walk a little more often, but we were still running during the last three miles. I figure this was my first time doing 12 miles, so why push it. One thing I did learn is that I need to run more of my mid-week runs on hills, as we are preparing for San Francisco so our Saturday runs are VERY hilly. My coach says if you train on hills the flat runs will be cake. So I'm going to dive into some hills on Tuesday when I need to run 4 miles.

Becky and I talked a bit about what it is like to have cancer touch your life. She's lost a sister-in-law to cancer at age 47. It's enough to keep you running, praising God for the bodies we do have, even if they are slow. Right now I'm still about 15 minutes behind my teammates who make up the majority of the pack. But I know that if I wanted to I could push a bit harder and stick with them longer. I'm just trying to avoid injury and not worry so much about times. My body feels stiff enough afterwards just jogging and walking. Many of the folk that are ahead of me are just jogging the whole time at one steady pace. I like the walk breaks and I know I will probably need them in the actual marathon so I should get used to them now. You have to get used to shifting to a walk and back into a run - both mentally and physically. I know that all that I'm learning now, will make me prepared.

So I got up at 5am and by 8:30am I had travelled 12 miles with my own to feet.
What have you done so far today?
Lazy butt.

Ha! Damn it feels good to be me!
Think I'll go ride Janis.

The Silent Mile

In a couple weeks our training team will run the first and last mile of our training run in silence. During this time we are supposed to contemplate on the purpose of our running - that being to find a cure for blood cancers. We will be encouraged to think of our honored teammate (or cancer victim) that we are running in honor of and of the pain of his life and his family.

All I will do is think of my Dad and when he was dying. I think I will carry his picture with me that day. Most people don't get it. They can't imagine losing their Dad in a matter of weeks at the age of 49. No warning. They don't know what someone's body looks like when it can no longer process fluids or circulate blood. They don't know what it is like to look your dying father in the eyes and try to calm him down. How do you calm him down? They don't know what it is like to put someone you love into a morphine induced coma. They don't know what it is like to sleep in a hospital waiting room with strangers, knowing that you are all just waiting for someone to die. They don't know what it is like to watch a dying man first pray for his family and then ask for water he can't drink. They don't know what its like to see a loved one's body cold and pale in a coffin.

But those who do know what it is like are a great support to each other. And we can't help but appreciate the intent of the Silent Mile. Those who don't know what it is like are taking time to try and know, try and feel, try and understand. And I guess that is all we who do know can ask for. Besides, we wouldn't wish this cancer crap on anyone else's family anyway. It's better that they not know and try to know, instead of "really" know. This isn't an experience I'd wish on any family.

Missing Budapest

Looking over Budapest. Upset about growing up.

My Yamaha Virago

My bike Janis! Another way I'm running away from growing up. Learned how to ride three months ago and bought this bike three weeks later.

I'm still a kid, watch me run!!!

So I'm a woman who is approaching the age of 30 and am still struggling with being an adult. I was just promoted to a high-powered director position at my job and am looking forward to many long nights of work with CEOs breathing down my neck for results. And on top of all this there is so much I want to do before I turn 30. Like start a family. Run a marathon. Loose 20 pounds. And maybe actually enjoy life instead of rushing through it!

To fulfill two out the four above goals I signed up with Team in Training to run a marathon while raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (run a marathon and loose 20 pounds). I'm six weeks into the training and I just found a blog of one of my teammates on line. So I thought I'd follow her lead and journal about my progress here. My teammate blogs about her reasons for running the race listing them as 1) getting in shape 2) finding a man 3) just being random. My reasons are somewhat similar but different: 1) getting in shape 2) remembering my Dad 3) running away from growing up!

You see my Dad died of lymphoma quite suddenly three months after I got married 5 years ago. He got sick and was dead two weeks later so I have seen first hand how nasty this cancer can be. I think I will blog more on Dad later. I never thought cancer would effect our family. Needless to say I don't use the word cancer as lightly anymore. I've also ballooned up to 165 pounds since getting married and really don't want to get preganant before I'm at a healthier weight for my height, since I will most likely gain weight in the process. Good news is that because of running I've maintained this weight for the past two years, no more gaining!

And lastly, I'm running this marathon because I'm running away from growing up! With my new job I finally feel like a grown up and I'm making enough money so that my husband (a musician) doesn't have to work. Part of me is okay with this but another part feels an immense responsibility to provide that keeps me from dreaming about all the things I used to. I used to dream about starting a family, travelling to distant lands, and changing the world. But now I just sort of focus on that one e-mail I need to write and the response I will get from the stupid HR department that wants to run everyone's life because their own lives are pointless!

So each time I take a step closer to the marathon finish line I think three things: "I miss you so much Dad!" "Come on body get in shape."and "Screw work, I'm still a kid, look at me run!!!!"

I'm at the back of the pack during our training runs and will probably finish the marathon only by run/walking. But at least I KNOW I will finish. If I quit without finishing that would mean that adulthood had beat me to the finishline - and I really can't let that happen!