Sunday, November 14, 2010

One step after another

When you start out intending to run 20 miles without stopping for any reason the task ahead of you can feel daunting. You wonder if you can really make it the entire way, do you have the resources to draw on, or will you fail. These worries are not unlike the ones you might experience when facing a large decision that you know will have lasting consequences on my life. You start to lean towards saying yes to something new and as you gain momentum the thrill of that new change charges toward you along with the fear of what it will bring.

This is not unlike the fear of the marathon, you take your first step and before you know it you've run a mile and then two and then three. Once you turn around at the half way point you realize I'm almost there and perhaps you speed up like horse searching for the stable. But then the stable scares you by how far away it is and how unattainable that goal is and you slow down greatly doubting your ability to keep this pace all the way home.

Recently my feelings of fear, hope, excitement and anticipation that I feel during a my long runs (which last over 3 hours) mirror my self-doubt as my life approaches drastic changes and choices. I interview for a job tomorrow that would return me to work and out of my comfort zone of staying at home with the kids. My husband and I are also being certified to be foster/adopt parents through the county and may have kids in our home somewhat quickly.

I anticipate the new lessons I'll learn when my life changes often for the better. I'm so blessed to run. So blessed to even live in a country where I can work, run, adopt children, and feed them all. So worrying about these changes isn't more than just stretching my legs in the first few miles of a marathon. Isn't it?

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